A means in which to distract myself.

The more depressing certain situations in the place I reside get, the more I retreat into the world in which I have created for myself. Pretty recently I've been letting it all bleed into this imaginary place. The more I look at it the grimmer it becomes. But I focus on it anyway, because at least a world of imagined darkness is better than the reality of what I face everyday.

I will finish this eventually. I like it well enough and its supposed to be something for Nat's DA page. You know its really hilarious how dark this character is in the story. Its comforting to have complete control over something. I know these ideas are not new in the slightest. But I can't help but talk about it sometimes.

So, back to the world that I have some semblance of control in; I've been thinking a lot of the character Bella. When I started with her she was an ill-developed DnD character and since has evolved into something else entirely. But seeing as she was a talented sorcerer in DnD... I was wondering if that quality should remain in flawed form or if I should get rid of it entirely.

In this setting, there is magic. Magic is an unknown and volatile force. It is something that the mind that knows the boundaries cannot understand. A mortal mind that comes in contact with it directly would simply go insane. That is why Magicians and Wizards and any magic user in general uses a wand or an artifact to channel magic. It is not there to aid you in having access to it even though this is what most magic users in the setting believe. That is what the chants and the evocations are for. The Wands and trinkets protect you from it. Using magic without them is to channel it through yourself. Exposing your body and mind to something that it is entirely not equipped to deal with. Whats more, an wand/trinket/artifact needs to be prepared in a sufficient manner in order to protect you. Some are better able to handle casting than others. This is why it is imperative that you acquire quality items and why casters go through so much trouble search all corners of the world for that one thing that will let them throw the big spells without turning their mind into tapioca.

 So what's Bella's problem?

Bella is a beautiful, wise but painfully simple girl. Though cunning, it is the kind of intelligence of a person forced to live as a scavenger most of their life has. In Bella's world there are important things that hold her in place and anything threatening those can send her quite easily into turmoil. She is damaged by emotional tramua and to compound this she has a great deal of trouble understanding the complex spells her husband uses so frequently. She is just not smart enough to cast magic the way most who practice it do.

The problem is, she can cast magic intuitively. She doesn't NEED the long spells and the magic circles to get by and while she could technically use them she doesn't have the mental facilities to work them. So whenever she does uses magic, she has to expose herself to it directly. Even for the briefest seconds glimpsing the 'rules' of the universe being bent by this inexplicable thing drives her to the brink of madness.

So she doesn't do it.

Still have a lot to think about. Can't really use it if it doesn't have a place in the story. Have to go to work now.